Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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