I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
