sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
