My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
