Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
