And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
