do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
