no, he came in my armpit
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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