I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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