i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
