I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
