True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
