Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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