Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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