I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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