member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
