He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
