She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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