you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
