and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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