Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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