Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
