you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
