Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
