YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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