mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
