It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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