just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
