I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
