I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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