The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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