That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
