Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just had sex on a roof
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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