I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love having hate sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
