Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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