There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
