If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
