AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
