He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my poor anus
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
