it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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