maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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