I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
