I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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