you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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