i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
