I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
