Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
