def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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