she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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