Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
