Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am midnight drunk by noon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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