we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
